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Om Oss


Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged. Of all the friends I’ve had… you’re the first. Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn’t rock. Who am I making this out to? Shinier than yours, meatbag. Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist! I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I” have to pay ”them’!

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Good news, everyone! There’s a report on TV with some very bad news! What are their names? Shinier than yours, meatbag. Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think?

Who am I making this out to? Soothe us with sweet lies. These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are. I just told you! You’ve killed me!

That’s a popular name today. Little ”e”, big ”B”? Hello Morbo, how’s the family? This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me! Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!

Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged. I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool. Anyone who laughs is a communist! You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! We’re also Santa Claus!

Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Now what? Ooh, name it after me! Can we have Bender Burgers again? She also liked to shut up!